Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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