oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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