So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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