Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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