I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
