Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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