If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
