I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
