You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
