we have officially lost it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
