it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
