Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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