please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
