Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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