So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
