In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
