Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
God gave him joint rollers for hands
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
