Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
