You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
