u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
