so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
