so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
