Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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