absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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