Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
