It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
