i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
