Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
