at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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