a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
