Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize