Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
