your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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