I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he puts the penis in happiness.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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