i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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