as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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