I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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