Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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