could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
