Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
