Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
