I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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