So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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