Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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