dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
