just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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