Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
