Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize