mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
