and you said cock pushups were impossible
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
