We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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