i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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