He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
