Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
