If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
