You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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