covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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