you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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