similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
