And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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