remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
