he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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