Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
