I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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