It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
