HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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