Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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