Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
and she was petting her beer can
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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