I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
