You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
