You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize