I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
