i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize