Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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