32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
