I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
