its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize