On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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