She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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