I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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