so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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