saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
