I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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