My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize