I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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