Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
