I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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