I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
