At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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