The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
