i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
