And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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