We won't sleep together?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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