the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
