ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
