my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
