Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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