You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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