He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize